Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
