He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
