Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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