She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize