Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
