HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
