you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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