I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Still dying that you shit outside
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
