Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
