Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize