The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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