There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
