hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
