You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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