So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
