It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I AM VODKA MAN
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
