My brain says no but my pants say off.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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