i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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