I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
