There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize