He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
