her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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