oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
