is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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