just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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