I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
