Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
