Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
