I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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