Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
