I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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