the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize