Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
