What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
