I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize