She is in my trunk
I cockslap morals
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
