dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
