I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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