Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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