Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
