my mouth tastes like poor choices
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
