Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
