So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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