I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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