people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
