I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
