i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
