the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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