Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
