Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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