You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
