even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize