Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
