How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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