john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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