I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Enjoy the penises
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
