I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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