I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
