I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
