Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
