Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize