What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
