giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
