i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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