brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She's JV to your varsity
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize