I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
