how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
