I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
