My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
