Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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