I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
