U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
