we're blogging at a bar
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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