Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
