he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
