they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
