That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
