I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
