dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
