What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
