He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
