also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he thought i was a dude.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
