We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
