We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
