Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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