I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
